Truth or Dare

Things passed

I have to admit the last post was a bit of a downer, what with all this grim talks about killing and whatnot. It's time to get past that. Talk about interesting stuff.

Sex

Yeah, everybody likes to talk about that. Everybody.

Have you ever played Truth or Dare? My best bet is that you have. And it takes about half an hour until people start asking about the sex stuff. From that point on, every question in a Truth seems to be related to that topic. Even the dares start getting gritty. Have you ever been dared to kiss someone? To play "seven minutes in heaven"? No? Well, go out, get drunk and do that. You don't want to miss out on that.

But beware - you'd think that males are the most dangerous in the game. They're not. It's the females of the species you have to look out for. Because they will know where to pry. Males give those big dares. Jump off that, flash your goods, kiss your neighbour. Women? Say "truth" to them and they will pry your precious secrets from your soul.

So, you up are for a game? I dare ya.

I'll even let you go first.

Still no takers? Getting bored here.

C'mon chickens! Truth or Dare?

I don't know you, you don't know me. I have read your introduction... but what does that really say about you? Normally, I would wait until we've met and I knew a person pretty well before a game of Truth or Dare - but that's kid stuff. And we are of chaos.

So play without knowledge I shall.

However, to warn you, many of my answers to truth are probably pretty tame, and boring. Just sayin'. I wasn't doing a whole lot of living before this shit hit the fan.

((Breakbeat - Hi! Welcome to RD! In a way, I'm new myself... even though I joined way back at the beginning of October. If these are OOC Truth + Dare questions, yeah, it will be pretty boring. If it's IC, it's my chance to get really creative.))

So go ahead, and shoot.

((Enigma - Oh, it's IC alright! Thank you for taking up the challenge and welcome to RD yourself!))

Then let's start off with an "easy" truth:

What do you feel on days where you have killed - in the dead of night right before the dreams come?

The thoughts that do not surface during the daytime when it's oh-so-convinient to think of anything else, get easily distracted by the next mission, or booze, or flesh.

I'm talking of the one moment of clarity when your unconsciousness starts to emerge and engulf the whole of your mind, but you still cling on for that one, fleeting moment ...

The Truth shall set you free. At least that's what they say. I think the truth might as well wrench it's nasty arm into your guts and turn. You tell me.

((And don't forget to "hit back" ))

Well that depends on what I've killed that day.

... In the beginning, I felt a bit uneasy even putting zombies to rest. But now, however, I relish in it. There are so many different... things all with their own agendas... And I have no qualms dispatching those who mean me, mine, or hell, even the human race harm.

... However, on those few days where I kill another human... Something eats away at the pit of my stomach a little. Not so much if they shot first, or whatever, I was defending myself... But a few weeks ago, I ran into a couple of heavily-geared operatives clearly up to something on patrol around an innocent-seeming house. I shot first.
That eats at me a little sometimes. I didn't clearly recognize them as Orochi, military, Templar, or Illuminati (but I'd bet they were either the formost or the latter)... even so. I shot first.

There's enough evil and hate left surviving, hell, even thriving in this world. We don't need to add to it. Maybe I'm still too idealistic. I want to say "hey, let's all band together and take care of it" but the world doesn't work that way. I buy tacos from a good demon down in London. A demon! A couple of months ago, I would have shot first... but he's a good guy, just trying to make a buck - right? Outer appearances aren't always what they seem, and don't tend to matter as much... But the ones who's minds are gone... Those ones I don't mind killing.

Like I said, there's nothing like the satisfaction of blasting away five zombies at once with a good buckshot, or frying them with chain lightning. Heck, I've even looked at some of the larger Draug - you know the ones with big lobster claws? - and wondered if they'd make good sushi - parts of them, anyway.

Do you ever think about what something might taste like? Have you ever tried anything?

Anyway, same question.

Same question, Enigma? Really?

This usually means either "I think your question was intriguing and would like to have your thought on that as well", which treated me very well when I shot back to questions on "What was the worst sexual experience you had" and "Tell me a dark secret you normally wouldn't tell anyone!". Not so well on "What was the worst thing you ever tasted?" Because man, I really didn't want to know that, Tommy!

Or, it means "I couldn't think of anything right now", which, of course, happens ever now and then. But rarely at the start of the game.

So I'm assuming it is the first, in your case. For your benefit.

Playing with women is always harder than playing with men. They can really get into the questions. Men, you can bet your ass off that after three to seven rounds they'll ingeniously come up with "Show me your tits" - which roughly translates to "Let's see where you draw the line and if I can dare you to even better sexual things". (To which, as an advice for women, you should a) show them your tits and then b) come up with the most humiliating dare for those people, just so they know who's boss. Daring boys kiss and touch each other is always a blast, although it usually means the game is over.)

BUT ... I'm straying off the topic. Back to the question at hand.

For me, it's the eyes. They say, after all, they are the window to the soul, and man, did they ever nail it on that one.

Because in those moments in beds, drifting off, I sometimes can't help but seeing those eyes staring at me. The eyes of the dead. The eyes of MY dead.

I concur that zombies - they don't worry me as well. Their eyes are dead to begin with.

Living beings? That's harder, sometimes.

The worst case for me was when I was killing a werewolf in Transylvania. He had bright, golden eyes and I killed him, after he had jumped me. I remember his hot breath panting above me, trying to go for the throat, getting the kill, and I unloaded a whole clip into him until he went limp.

I remember those beautiful eyes breaking and turning from a shimmering gold to the color of sand as the life drained out of him. It didn't faze me at the time. I booted the wolf off me, glad I survived, high on adrenaline and magic.

But at night, when I tried to sleep, I tossed and turned and saw those eyes breaking over and over again. Finally, I vomitted and wept, and after doing as many pushups as I could do plus ten I fell asleep exhausted. But the eyes still haunt me sometimes.

His - and others. The eyes of my dead, staring at me in the dead of the night accusingly.

So what do I feel, before the dreams come? Dread, mostly. That the eyes will follow me into my dreams. And that, one day, my dead, broken eyes will stare into someone else's sleepy gaze on the day that they kill me.

*sigh*

Now back to you.

Truth: How do you act around the people you know from your former life? The blissful few, family and friends, who have no idea that you have changed forever. Do you put on a show for them?

In my case, believe it or not, it was both. You had such a deep initial question, I had to know your thoughts as well, and also I couldn't come up with anything equally or more interesting.

You avoided my tag-on question, without even mentioning it, I noticed, so I'll ask it again when all is finished here.

When it comes to the eyes of those I'm fighting and killing - especially when they happen to be human or hominid - I generally stare at their chest, and do my best not to look them in the face. If I did, I may see their humanity in them, and it might break me, or at least haunt me as it does you. Besides, when wielding a shotgun, you don't so much aim as face a general direction, so I could be looking at their feet if I wanted, as long as my gun is parallel to the ground. Perhaps, you should try the same, and then less eyes will be added to your dread before bed.

But first to answer yours, and the answer is sadly brief:

Since I awoke to these new abilities, I haven't had contact with anyone from my old life.

When it first happened, I thought maybe I was going crazy, and I didn't quite believe it. If I couldn't believe it, none of my coworkers in Seoul were going to believe it. I called in sick. Then as the week passed while I honed my new abilities in my one-bedroom apartment in the city, I eventually stopped calling, I just didn't show up. And then the monk came.

I didn't look back.

Four months, and I've barely given them a thought.

Is that cold? After my last answer, and this, I probably come off as the ice-bitch.

But I can't go back. I don't want to drag any of them into this.

Some people need their illusions. My mother is one of those people. She kept making up stories that I was engaged and getting married to some salaryman, and that I would be quitting my office job soon to settle down with him and become a housewife.

Is it any wonder that I didn't move back to Japan after going to University in Seoul? I stayed there to work, instead of heading back home, to continually throw in her face my mannish-ness (Really! Step into the 1980's at least, Mom! Sheesh!). My father and older brother are more understanding, but... they think I'm following some power career, and that I'm too busy anyway.
And my brother has a family of his own, with two little girls.

... So it doesn't matter.

I can't bring this on them.

As long as there are still parts of the world that are safe, as long as they are going to cling to their idealistic illusions, I'm going to let them. Because if they're doing so... in a way, I get to believe that the world is going to be okay. I'm okay too.

Wow... I really didn't mean to say so much. I really only meant to tell you that I don't associate with anyone. That all just... came out.

I guess four months is a really long time, after all.

Your turn, no avoiding it this time:

Do you ever wonder what something might taste like? Have you ever tried anything otherworldly or secret worldly that you've killed? (Cooked or raw?)

Don't worry about the rambling. It's what we are here for, isn't it?

Yeah, I kinda dodged that question at first, mostly because I didn't want to dwell about it too much.

After all, do you really want to fight draug and consider them an alternate food source compared to sushi? And thank you for that, because now I actually can't stop thinking about it.

So do I wonder what those creatures taste like? Now I do, thank you very much indeed.

Werewolf steak? I imagine that it might be very coarse, spicy, stringy.

Zombies flesh? Okay, rotten, dead, full of maggots that wiggle and writhe in one's stomach. I'd rather taste shit.

Draug? Fish gone bad, their tiny bones lodged in your throat.

And sweet, succulent fairie flesh ... Now that actually does sound yummy. Still not convincing enough to make me pluck the wings of a little one though. Too ... sentient.

Do I wonder? Yes.

Did I actually try anything? Well, only by accident.

I'd say the things I already tasted are mummy dust, although I probably inhaled it more than I ingested it, still there was this lingering taste in my mouth of something very dry, very old. You can't compare it to your musty-old book dust, because it has an underlying taste of something once living. Hard to explain.

The other otherworldly thing I tasted and really, really, didn't want to was filth. I got knocked down into a pool of the stuff actually more than once, and my face got sprayed with the sticky, gooey substance, that clung to me as if it wanted to be tasted, inhaled, eaten. Almost as if it's slimey tentacles wanted to crawl up inside of me and, in turn, eat me.

It was not a very pleasant experience. Mostly because it didn't taste all that bad. But it made me weary, like I was on a high after really good weed. And at the same time it made me angry, almost as if ingesting or mere touching it was enough to incite all the bad feelings that I usually try to bottle up deep inside of me. I really can't recommend it.

No wonder that the mundies go bonkers wherever it appears.

Then there is blood. If you fight dirty, you're bound to taste some blood every now and then. Surprisingly, blood is blood, no mather who or what it's from. Although I've gone to lengths as not to get any vampire blood into my system. You never know which bedtime stories are true, but vampire blood is featured in so many tales that it borders on the ridiculous. I don't want to risk it.

And then, there is the firefly. But you know how it tastes yourself, don't you?

Truth answered. My turn ...

We are Dragon. Capital D. Slowly it sinks into every part of our being and it is a part of us, so asking "Are you Dragon?" is as easy to answer as if being asked one's gender. It IS who we are. And we can't and won't change that. But ...

If it hadn't been a monk. What would you have preferred?

Templars, Illuminati, Phoenicians? No one?

And why?

This is an easy one.

For starters, there is no way I'd be joining the Templars. They are self-righteous and cruel. Not all of the individuals, but the association as a whole. Their leaders, their foundation.

Second, I don't know enough about the Phoenicians to even consider them. Given the choice, I would want to make an informed one.

Third, the Illuminati are a bunch of power-hungry control freaks with an affection for sewers and underground mazes that often incorporate these dank, foul places.

So I would have to be a free agent, just going from place to place, doing what I feel is right, helping those that I could, and defending myself as best as I could when I couldn't.

I mean, put a gun to my head and make me choose a society that isn't Dragon? I'd say Illuminati. I've heard they have lots of Hollywood connections and host wild parties. And let's not forget their quest for knowledge. So, it might be alright.

But I've always been a rebel, and never cared much for authority figures.

And never, never would I sign up with the Templars.

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((OOC: During my trial, I started a Templar, and the beginning was every bit as off-putting as I thought it would be from the intro video. XD I have recently made a newbie Illuminati, too - her name is Audity.))

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As for your question... (Unless someone else want a turn to play? Anyone else?)

What is your silver lining since all of this? Something you've gained out of this chaos, since your powers were awakened? The powers themselves? Etc. Why do you feel that way?

There is an actual silver lining? Where do I find it?

Just kidding, of course. I dare say that my life improved in many ways since the days before.

The one thing I've profited of most out of the chaos that now is me? I would say it is control.

Control over my own destiny. Sure, the Dragon might guide me in this or that way, push me even, but it's me pulling the proverbial trigger - or not, because that's the choice I've been given.

Before all this, I couldn't be myself the way I wanted it to be. Sure, I tried to express myself to an extent, got some tats, dyed my hair, but it's hardly comparable to now. I've been loosened of the shackles of routine. There's no eight to nine job, no rent to pay, no bills to pay - unless I really feel like doing that. I'd like to see a landlord follow through an eviction notice on a member of the Dragon who doesn't want to be dislocated.

Everything is chaos, even if there is a very weird kind of structure.

So basically, what is my silver lining?

I get to do whatever I fucking want.

And that suits me fine.

Because if life hands me lemons ...

I'll throw back grenades.

-

Next question (unless you want a dare ... should we change this to either or?)

What was the weirdes shit you've seen before your change? Did you just live your plain ol' mundy life, or did you already, unbeknowingly, glimpse at the secret world beyond?

Good luck with that.

It's occured at various points throughout my life:

On numerous occasions I've glimpsed an entity I couldn't quite explain. Something that was always deeply connected with my emotional and psychological state, and a creature whos physical form was indescribable to me.
The very stereotypical "half-seen glimmers late at night", a beast in full-blown decay, almost wolf-like in general shape, but with a face that managed to convey more in the way of emotion than any natural beast save for humans.

During my younger years, thanks to my bout with the story and lore of the "Warhammer" table-top games, I find the easiest way of describing it would be a bastardization between a creature of Tzeentch and Nurgle - the only attributal aspect of "Tzeentch" being the tentacles that seemed to spurt at specific points on its body - elbows, spine, ankles. In hindsigt, if indeed the gods of Chaos as depicted in "Warhammer" are true, it might have been ceratinous protusion of some sort - and entirely a creature of Nurgle, given the seconds "aspect" of the creature:

It never did seem to appear to me before I overcame my Thanatophobia around the age of 13.
I would normally glimpse it during periods in my life where I felt a great amount of disgust towards myself or the way I lead my life, coupled with an urge to escape the cycle of responsibility - thereby not meaning "life".
Whenever I saw it, or thought I saw it, it felt as if I found some measure of peace in the aforementioned emotion themselves, some degree of solace in simply accepting things for what they were, how I were, and what things may come as a result of it.

If I were to let me indulge myself in some wild machinations, should Nurgle be real - at least on some level, perhaps he welcomed me before even the Dragon did.
As with any god of chaos, the capacity for kindness is equally present as the capacity for vileness, it is only a matter of perspective.

Yet, it is quite odd, should that be case. Seeing as "Nurgle" is also the embodinent of stagnation, the antagonist to the philosophy of the Dragon.

Have you ever pitied a creature of Filth, and if so, why?

Depends what you mean, Santiak.

Creatures made from the filth? I don't feel for them at all. Not even hate, to kill them has the basic empathic reaction as if I would wipe a stain from the sole of my shoes. I don't see them as living or thinking creatures. They're just the incarnations of a spreading disease, as human they may appear at times with their glowing eyes and their long, thin arms.

But people turned or overwhelmed by the filth? Yes, I pity some. Mostly those people who haven't crossed over a long time ago. Because they are still human - some might even still remember their former lives, albeit in a haze of red and black.

One memory sticks out:

There was a woman I killed, turned a while but not too long ago. There wasn't much resamblance to what she had been. After smashing her head she fell dead, and I searched her. Yeah, it was shortly after I started my gig with the Dragons. I was sorta low on cash back then, but let's not dwell on that, shall we?

Anyway, in the rags that used to resemble her clothes she had a wallet, filled with naught more but seventeen dollars and fifty cents. But what caught my eye was a fading picture. It wasn't her in that picture. It was two kids, twins by the looks of it, dressed in cool T-shirts, each with an arrow pointing to the other and beneath it the words "It was his fault".

At first I had to laugh. And then I realised that these were, most likely, HER kids. That she had bought them those cute matching T-shirts. She took the photo. She packed them lunch, drove them to school, cuddled them when they were sick, tucked them in at night, read stories, comforted them, loved them. Things that mum's do every single day.

But seeing that photo made it all real. I hadn't just killed a thing - I had killed a person. A person with kids, probably a husband, a nice house in the suburbs. I could see her standing in the office at the coffeemaker, laughing, sharing her stories of the little ones, what they did and when and how cute they were!

I vomited.

Took another minute to realise that I had done her a favor, in the end. Because she had been killed a while ago, and I just smashed what resembled her once.

I never took another wallet, though.

-

Next question:

Have you ever felt that after using your powers on someone (or something), you've misused them? Abused some self-inflicted code of honor?

It doesn't matter if it was right or wrong, because there is no such thing. The only thing that matters is how you felt about it and why.

No.

Seriously, I haven't. I have these powers for a reason, and one of those reasons is to do what I want with them. Unless you count the time that I shot first, although technically that was my shotgun, not my powers - and I found out after the fact that they were a bunch of Phoenicians with devious plans for the area, so it turned out I was in the right, I think.

Your turn:

Do you or have you ever wanted to be or been in a relationship with another member of Recursive? If so, who - and some details.

Ah, didn't see you weren't too happy about answering Breakbeats' question, Enigma, so just for laughs, I'll answer both:

- No, I've never felt I've misused my powers.
I'm slow to anger, and even then, I'm not that fond of conflict.
I do however go great lengths to preserve something I am loyal to, which, again, translates to even morally questionable situations being justified, and not something I'd consider a "misuse".
That's not to say I haven't felt sympathy for those I've used my powers on: It carves me up inside each time the failed little creatures running around Innsmouth Academy lets out a helpless squeal when my blood pierces their fragile, imperfect skin.

- I've come to consider Ulfric as my little brother.
"Way back when", I was more or less the protective and guiding hand for both Ulfric and Zoser, and naturally the role of "older brother" and all the implications such a role entails followed.
Over time, I often consoled Ulfric when his disposition to taking a darker outlook on things got the better of him, and encouraged him to walk a given path he was contemplating on persuing. As such, the previously mentioned "bond" formed, which is also the reason as to us calling each other "Brother".
As for Zoser, he found that kind of guidance through Little Brother, with whom I believe he had the kind of "relationship" your question might have hinted at.

What is your biggest regret since you were first inducted and introduced to the world of no secrets?

Heyyy, two takers in one day! As added treat, I'll take you up both as well. (happy, happy, happy)

No, I haven't been in a relationship with any member of Recursive. I also don't plan to enter a real relationship with any member. I don't plan to enter any relationship at all currently. For one thing: Life is too much fun currently and I don't want to be tied up in a partnership with another person. I take relationships quite seriously once I commit to them, and the vow of monogamy is one I am not willing to take currently.

But as for having relations with any members of Recursive: Yeah, sure. I would enjoy that.

Ah, listen to me dancing around the subject. We're adults, we can handle some coarse language. So send the kids out of the room, or if you're prudish, please skip the next couple o' lines.

Yeah, I'd fuck you. Any of you (at least twice, because you should always try everything twice on the offchance that you did it wrong the first time). I'd fuck you, blow you, or lick you. Do the nasties till we scream. Just as long as we have a clear understanding that this is NOT a commitment of any sorts. That it's up close and personal fun. If you can't handle that, you can't handle me. But I like sex and am not shy about it.

-

Now for Santiaks question: Regrets?

that's not so easy. I regret sometimes that I'm too obedient when it comes to the Dragon. Because in some places they send me, I have the distinct feeling that I still could help, if I only had the time. But then there's some other urgent mission, and I trust the equations. So I go, and leave good people behind, although they're struggling. Maybe dying.

It's a relief to see them still breathing when I come back. Now that I am officially on vacation, I plan to revisit some people that I actually liked or had a deep respect for. Check up on them, see if I can do some more.

But, to my deep regret: When my phone buzzes again, I'll leave them behind just like I did the last time. Because if I don't, and the equation is not solved, the repercussions might be much bigger than one person dying.

-

Here's my next one:

Truth: Did you ever fall in love with the wrong person? If yes, tell us about it.

Truth2: Enigma: If you'd decide to take this, I'd love to hear about what happened. You teased in your tweet.

Breakbeat...

I'll tell you, but I'll only tell you in person. It's too embarrassing to say here. I... ... but it's good embarrassing. That's all I'm willing to say on the subject.

As for your other question... well, I can't answer that yet. But I don't think so.

I guess "no" would suffice.

I hope someone else picks it up. That wasn't really an interesting answer, so I won't ask anything.

It's an ambiguous "yes and no".
I didn't fall in love with the wrong person, but I fell in love while I was a wrong person.

I fell in love - and still am in love - with someone while I was still an active alcoholic.
This of course meant a lot of fights, a lot of misunderstandings, and a lot of mistakes - wholly on my part.
I did many things I regret during that time. I was quick to anger, quick to cry, and quick to hide in the bottle. I was a shell of a human being, incapable of actually providing love for another person, and for that, she suffered - and so did I.
I am, however, relieved that my alcohol abuse never did not translate to any physical abuse of her. I once broke my hand in anger, striking the floor I was sitting on at a wrong angle, but even in my stupor, I would never harm her. Needless to say, however, psychologically, some degree of abuse would likely have happened. If so, I'd like to think I did so unintentionally, but in truth, I had so little control or acumen left that I can barely recall, far less understand, the things I did back then.

Could I take it all back, make it all better, and still know the things I do now, I would. The last point merely because I do believe Arthur Golden was right when he said: "Adversity is like a strong wind. It tears away from us all but the things that cannot be torn, so that we see ourselves as we really are."
Fortunately, she stayed with me throughout those years, to this day, so now, I can.

Fortunately, she's Korean. Which leads me to my question:

Do you believe in destiny?

Destiny ...

Well, that's a bitch question.

If you'd asked me before the bee, the answer would have been a clean "No!". Now, I'm not so sure. It's hard to outright refuse the possibility that there is some purpose behind the selection. Was it my destiny to become what I am now? I'd like to think so.

Believing is Destiny is much like faith - after all, even with all the weirdness going on, there is no sure way to say if there is a God. I believe so.

So, is there Destiny? I believe so, now.

I also believe that it is something that is molded sometimes by forces beyond our recognition, shaped, reformed. After all, isn't that what the Dragon does sometimes?

-

So here's my question:

Do YOU believe in God?

And, as bonus, no matter if if you do or don't: Why is it so damn easy, to misuse the beliefs of people to mislead them? (I mean, we've all read the Morninglight pamphlets, haven't we?)

No, I do not believe in "God".
However, I do tend to try to differentiate between "faith" and "spirituality" - in this case, Spirituality not meaning "other-worldly" or "hey man, nice dreads!", but instead the notion that "soft" values such as kindness, understanding, empathy and wisdom, are just as important as profit, power and intelligence. Unfortunately, "soft" values are the only thing "faith" has going for it, so the two tend to be aligned with each other, especially in the minds of those who are religious. (I'm aware that is a generalisation, but unfortunately, I've experienced that it is many times more likely that selfless acts or random spurs of kindness will be linked with being on some sort of "mission from god", rather than just plain human)

To me, the different between "faith" and "spirituality" is a kin to:
Asking a man to have faith, and it is as if asking him to have a blind conviction that everything will turn out alright, simply by believing it will.
Asking a man to have hope, and it is implying that things may turn out in ways not expected, either due to his own actions, or someone elses.

The difference is that one does not make them dillusional as to the severity of a situation, while making them aware that there may be outcomes they haven't expected.
The other simply states they will be saved one way or another.

Which is also my answer as to why it is so easy to mislead those who are religious, or are prone to believing in some benign higher power.
The procrastinator in all of us squeals at the notion of not having to do anything but ask in order to lead a satisfactory life. Where there is no link between cause and affect, no responsibility, simply servitude.
The "misleading" part comes into play because of our affinity to take to heart the kindness of others. As I said, the greatest strength of any belief is its "soft" power. It is many times easier to cloud malign intent behind a veil of kindness, especially if you're "trained" in the art, than it is to do so with a veil of indifference.
It is simply a by-product of most religious beliefs, but it isn't necessarily exclusive to it.

As I said, I'm not religious.
And as I previously stated, I try to focus on having "soft" power.
Who would expect me to have my own agenda with those I befriended, say, at arms length, more due to circumstance than affinity - or at least the initial precursor for our friendship would be based on the former rather than the latter.

Where "hard" power enables the wielder to forcefully excert his or her power over others, "soft" power enables one to influence the path of others in much more subtle, much less detectable, ways.

::

Do you think I have an agenda?

We all have an agenda, you as well. But it is of course a bit of a loaded question. We often come to think of something sinister when asking the question. I don't necessarily think that the agenda has to be something bad or good, or even concrete. It may just be a gentle wish to promote soft power over hard power. Or to plant a seed in someone's chest and watch it grow.
But what do I know.

Are you also frightened?

No, not of the world we've been brought into, anyway.
I'm relieved, actually.

I used to be scared of commonplace and stagnation as well as ambition and effort.
The notion that my life would consist of either being completely irrelevant to the vast majority of people, maybe only important to one or two, while maintaining a job I would most likely not be that fond of - or conversely, sacrificing those I care for in order to spend time on pursuits which also would take away from the things I enjoy doing, was always a notion that made me uncomfortable, if nothing else.

Now, however, I do what I enjoy; I evolve, grow and gain wisdom while protecting and nurturing those close to me. The fact that the opposition has changed from a manufactured notion of responsibility, to unfamiliar looking creatures intent on destroying anything that stand in their way, is irrelevant in regards to my "usual" state of insecurity.

Other than that, I'm generally not easily scared - sometimes I wish I was.
Even the Black House did little to tickle my adrenalin gland.

What has been your best experience since you heard the buzzing?

My best experience?

Whoa, there's been so much stuff going on that it's gonna be REALLY hard to decide. It's always one thing topping the other.

For starters I thought that nothing would top the experience when I joined the Dragon. The initiation ritual was pretty intense and amazing.

Okay, so that lasted three days or so.

I'll defide this into some categories to take some picks on "best experience":

In the category "Fun" the oscar goes to:
Joining RD and the little quarrel with Zenpao I had right at the start. I love solving arguments with a hammer.

In the category "Amazing" it would be a trip to what looked like freaking outer space. Met a being there that still sends shivers down my spine by simply thinking about it.

In the category "Heartwarming" I nominate the League of Monster Hunters. All the way, boys, all the way.

In the category "Freakish Oh Wow" it would be time-travelling (yeah, yeah, Enigma, I hear you) through a frikkin mansion on Solomon Island. Beats every other mission the Dragon sent me on single-handedly.

In the category "Kickass" it would be a two hour Fusang visit wherein I clobbered a many a Templar.

In the category "Naughty" my Dragon initiation was topped by a visit to New Orleans a couple of weeks ago. I'd tell you more, but I do not want to get everyone high & dry.

And last but not least, and probably what you were asking for:

In the category: "Best thing that happened to me personally"
Hrm, now I'm back at the start, because it's been really intense. Of course I'd like to say "Meeting you guys" (and hey, you're way up on that list), but I'd have to say that it was meeting Ptahmose. I have never ever had so much respect for one person before that. I am glad I met him and am also glad for his kind words to me.

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If you could share your powers with one person that doesn't have it, who would it be and why? ... and please don't mention Justin Bieber.

If we're talking any person I know, I'd say - as sentimental as it may be, my girlfriend. Simply because I'd like to share the whole world with her, rather than having a secret world away from her.

If we're talking historical figures, famous people, or even fictional characters, I'd have to say Tycho Brahe - as I consider him a perfect candidate for the Dragon.
Not only did his equations flow elegantly, but his mind was, by some accounts, just the right degree of warped to enable him to be a very strong asset to the Dragon.

What would it take to convince you to willingly give up your powers?

For me, there would be two requirements... At least, I lump a few things together, into a larger and greater two.

First, it would have to be at the behest of a loved one - someone very close to me, family, friend, or lover. Especially family or lover. They would have to be so, so very dear to me. They would be the one to ask me to give it up, and I would, gladly... but only if the additional conditions were met:

Second, one, more, or all of these conditions would need to be met:
- My powers were of no more use to me, in that they were either hurting my loved one(s), or there was no more need for them (ie: all the threats have gone away, been dealt with, we'd made peace with them, killed them all, etc.)
- If I was thinking of retiring (hah, I doubt that'll ever happen)... the gentle ask from the loved one to give them up could be that final push to leave us in comfortable happiness
- All was right with the world
- I couldn't make good use of my powers for some reason anymore - either a mental blockage, or some other kind of personal hinderance
- I could give them away to someone else, pass the torch so to speak (and in my case, quite literally), preferably to someone who needs them, who could make good use of them, the same or better than me. And preferably that person is the loved one in question.

Do I want to give up my powers? At this time, no. Not really. However recent events have had me contemplating this very idea, at least on a subconscious level, for the last week or so... A few different events in my life have cropped up... and it makes me wonder... if life could be better. Would my life be better without them? And then I realize, that without them, I wouldn't have been inducted into the Dragon, and therefore, I wouldn't have met any of you. And so the clear answer, when I'm actually thinking about it, is no.


Is there someone you have cut yourself off from since awakening to this world with your bee powers... someone you wish you hadn't, and that you desperately wish you could include, but for one reason or another, you don't think they could handle it, or you could? If so, which and why? Or, conversely, is there someone in your life who isn't a part of the secret world to whom you told everything, and now you wish you hadn't? Again, why?

There are lots of people I have cut myself off from. I don't miss most of them.

I kinda mentioned it already, but I'd been in a bad spot before the buzz. There was this group I hang out with, not the best of influences, but it could've been worse, at least no one was trying to get me hooked on drugs or anything. But there were a lot of Alpha males in the group I didn't really get along with. Quarreled with them a lot, because as woman it was hard to take control from them, which I repeatedly tried.

But there is one friend, Sara, who I miss. She was part of the group and until today I don't know why, because she wasn't the type. Quiet, shy, timid - it took some alcohol to get her out of her shell and even then she was lagging a step behind us others. She was the last to pick up a can of spray paint when we wanted to decorate the town, and the first to put it away when the sirens sung their threatening song.

Sara was a friend, though. And she managed it on an emotional level that none of the others could. For them it was an adrenaline and alcohol high, but with her you could spend a couple of hours just hanging out, talking, laughing. You felt that you were important to her. That she cared.

Then the bee came, and I cut the ties to the whole group. Because I didn't want to involve them. I also didn't want to make them a target for anyone who was trying to do me harm. I don't regret it. But sometimes I wonder if I shouldn't have tried to pull Sara out.

I could see her as a loving wife, living in some suburban home with a bunch of kids. But if she stays on the street it will break her one day. And yet I could've only pulled her out against her will, because she was in love with a member of the group. Not that she'd get involved with him directly, there always seemed to be some hussie on his side. One day she kissed him, drunk, and she squealed it to me when next we met, but as he didn't mention it and just went on with his usual business, she just let it slide and waited.

She's probably still waiting.

It's her fight, not mine. Still ...

Is there anyone that I told and now wish I hadn't? No. I've been very elusive. It's better that way. I'm living a new life now.


Could you see yourself having kids one day? How?